Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize