I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
