Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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