Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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