This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
