those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
