Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish my penis had an off switch
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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