Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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