What a fucking waste of an outfit
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
