Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
