I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
