I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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