So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
