did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
