Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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