This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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