a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize