i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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