After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
