We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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