I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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