My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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