I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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