I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
