Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
