My first STD was from a foam party
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize