It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
