I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
