there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
