I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
