Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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