I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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