The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
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I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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