A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
