his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
