He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
this is an emotional support booty call
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
