I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
