he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You made out with two different species that night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
