1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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