I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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