I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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