Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
