When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
