carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
