i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize