I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
