just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
