I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
