Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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