textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
