Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
