You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
