Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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