So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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