Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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