meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
