don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
