and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
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Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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