Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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