he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
