No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
